Right from the very start
I'm not all too normal.
I'm a malay-ish looking pure chinese and am rather bimbotic
i love all things colourful, particularly red.
currently studying in Temasek Polytechnic -Marketing
cynical and extremely sarcastic at times without even realizing it
and I've been called a bitch more times than I can count
yet people still seem to like me.
Go figure.
an odd person to say the least, but I wouldn't change a single thing.
My name is Fiona and welcome to my blog.
just a sidenote, i tend to swear alot.
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Wednesday, January 19, 2011
low selfesteem.
You know for the past two years, I am surrounded by so many pretty and beautiful girls.
i may not be the most open person in the world, in fact it takes me awhile to be less uptight, but i have experienced, seen and heard many things about relationship and love.
Be it the at the girl's point of view or guys', I have seen the ugly yet truthful side of reality.
and i have come to a decision.
i will never believe it if a guy/my future boyfriend says he loves me
i don't believe that any guy will like me for who i am.
idk if i should be happy that this is how i am thinking about this, or if i should be sad because i have not even experienced it and am so pessimistic about it.
i feel that i am so inferior to those people out there.
i am not pretty enough
i am not hot
i don't have the nicest figure
hell, i'm fat with big boobs
who will want a girl like me?
not when there are so many pretty ones out there.
just with my friends alone, i feel inferior enough.
no body will ever be interested in a person like me.
what the fuck, even this cannot make it guy in my class expects his future girlfriend to be a hot babe.
how does a fucking ugly person like me ever gonna be "somebody's one and only?
it's just not possible.
if a pretty girl can't get a boyfriend, then what chances a person like me stands?
i guess tonight is just a vent out for me.
i have heard and accepted the fact that i'll never be a person's dream girl.
i dont know why am i so pessimistic.
maybe i just wanna feel what it is like to be in a relationship.
maybe i am just a person who likes to read romantic novels but can never believe that such fantasy stories will ever happen to a person like me.
maybe i am just whiny as usual.
cry out vent out let it go.
i think this is my lowest point in terms of my self-esteem.
i wont get any lower than this.
fuck, i think even if i turn into a lesbian no butch will want also lor.
):
1:05 AM
You know for the past two years, I am surrounded by so many pretty and beautiful girls.
i may not be the most open person in the world, in fact it takes me awhile to be less uptight, but i have experienced, seen and heard many things about relationship and love.
Be it the at the girl's point of view or guys', I have seen the ugly yet truthful side of reality.
and i have come to a decision.
i will never believe it if a guy/my future boyfriend says he loves me
i don't believe that any guy will like me for who i am.
idk if i should be happy that this is how i am thinking about this, or if i should be sad because i have not even experienced it and am so pessimistic about it.
i feel that i am so inferior to those people out there.
i am not pretty enough
i am not hot
i don't have the nicest figure
hell, i'm fat with big boobs
who will want a girl like me?
not when there are so many pretty ones out there.
just with my friends alone, i feel inferior enough.
no body will ever be interested in a person like me.
what the fuck, even this cannot make it guy in my class expects his future girlfriend to be a hot babe.
how does a fucking ugly person like me ever gonna be "somebody's one and only?
it's just not possible.
if a pretty girl can't get a boyfriend, then what chances a person like me stands?
i guess tonight is just a vent out for me.
i have heard and accepted the fact that i'll never be a person's dream girl.
i dont know why am i so pessimistic.
maybe i just wanna feel what it is like to be in a relationship.
maybe i am just a person who likes to read romantic novels but can never believe that such fantasy stories will ever happen to a person like me.
maybe i am just whiny as usual.
cry out vent out let it go.
i think this is my lowest point in terms of my self-esteem.
i wont get any lower than this.
fuck, i think even if i turn into a lesbian no butch will want also lor.
):
1:05 AM